I often had the feeling that Lindsay was enjoying her position between Mel and Brian and also liked Mel‘s jealousy of Brian. She didn‘t do anything against it. Not a nice character trait ... I like stories in which Mel and Brian overcome their differences and become some kind of real friends, they have the same kind of sarcasm.

This chapter. First of all, thanks for ending the story! I think I wrote it before... It‘s always hard to read an unfinished story when the story touches you so much. I also don‘t like these series where one season ends and then you‘ve to wait a year or longer. It ends at some exciting point, you can‘t stop to think about it for days or weeks, and then after one year, when you maybe have forgotten about it, not having this feeling any longer, they continue, and either you have to start over and get involved again, or you just don't have that feeling anymore. That's too bad. I think it's best when a story is finished and the author publishes a chapter from time to time, maybe once a week. but of course everyone has to know how to handle this. So, thanks for finishing!!!

One question... Did I understand this right? After Justin woked up for a few minutes, he fell again in this catatonic state and therefore they had to use ECT? Fortunately, it went reasonably well... I can‘t imagine how it feels not to remember things... I mean, we all forget over the years many many things, but something which happened only half a year ago or so...

„You sneezed your IV out." - haha - Although I've been working in the hospital for a long time, I've never seen anything like it. Only Justin can do that!

You - you called me sweetheart!" - Oh, a cute moment! Reminds me so much of this „You kissed me... in front of everybody?" You have this talent, to evake the same feelings in me which I get by watching the show, with just a few words. Incredible!

"It's just... you were so happy. When you found out, you were just so happy." - Oh, Jeez! That could refer to both the show and prom. But Justin knows there are enough other important, wonderful moments in his life that he can be thankful for! And maybe it is more important to cherish them and not to grieve after the forgotten moments. What a beautifful end!

I like this last chapter. Okay, it's described from Justin's point of view and therefore a bit more serious, melancholic than it might have been if you had written it from Brian's point of view. But I find that very appropriate at this point. All in all, a wonderful, loving story that doesn't change the characters, that is just perfectly written and has everything a story about Brian and Justin should have. A bit of fear and drama, but just as many sarcastic and hilarious ans also many beautiful and cute moments and a lot of love between the two! Thanks so much for sharing this story and I so hope to read something from you again sometime! I'll really miss our exchange! For now, all the best for you and your family!

Hi again! It‘s really great to see, that Justin‘s doing fine in spite of all his issues! At least until this day... I feel very happy for him, that he successfully graduated and works in animation!

Unfortunately Lindsay will never change. she just can‘t leave it and has to make such careless (or not so careless - ?) comments. Fortunately, there‘s Mel who then makes up for it. Funny that you let her say nearly the same as Brian a few moments before!

Jeez, terrible how this really nice day ends. And how tragic that they‘ll now have to spend their anniversary day in the hospital again! Did you think about that while writing? Was it intended to happen that day?

„I looked at him again and he blinked. For whatever reason that clinched it for me" - Oh dear, Justin sends a cry for help in this terrible state and luckily Brian can understand him so well even in this situation.

Just two more chapters left... I feel already so sad!

Hi! you really don't have to apologize for being delayed with answering. I really appreciate the exchange with an author, but I don't expect it, especially since I'm only reading the story now and not during the progress. Thanks for the many explanations about the mental health system. Mental health sounds totally interesting. I'm working in a neurosurgery department. Since I've got a lot to do with the functionality of the motor brain system, I've always wondered why Justin's right hand motor skills are disturbed when he'd got bashed on the right side... I really would like to ask this the authors of qaf.

Yeah, I agree with you, I also don't like Justin in relationships with other men so much, but it isn't so painful to read. Brian's ability to love just feels different, more unique - if he loves, it means everything. You've let him explain this very well! Either way, these relationships with other men may have a short purpose, but in the end, they should find each other again - for me, they just belong together. And I also really like to read stories with relationship issues, but what I like about your story, among other things, is that it's very clear that they belong together and have more to deal with other issues.

"There are so many secrets on the show (Brian visiting Justin, Sapp's party, etc) so I always like to see how those get revealed in fics." - Yeah, there were many topics in the show which - in my opinion - they sadly left unfinished. I also like it very much, when somehow these things come up again in stories.

Wonderful chapter! Michael... I've told you before that I have mixed feelings about him. Most of the time I disliked him, his behavior, his selfishness... So, I really like what you've done with his character. As I wrote before, he really matured, he can admit his mistakes, he accepts Brian's and Justin's love and I think one of my favorite sentences is this "I couldn't remember laughing that much anytime recently." And he really tries to take care of Justin. I mean, yeah maybe it was a little too much, telling Justin about the scarfing, but for me, his care feels honest and he didn't know about Justin being misdiagnosed. So, what Michael still has to learn is, not always assuming or judging, but in his defense, one could say that Justin and Brian aren't very communicative either, but that's what I love about them and their whatever it is. None of their friends really have the slightest idea how the two are with each other when they are alone... That's why I love this last paragraph very much ... Michael witnessing their welcome to each other... and how he experiences their home.

"I'm sorry, that's exhausting, huh?" - "You're sorry about the wrong thing here." Oh, I just love Brian!

"So Brian gave us his blessing this time?" - I love them both so much!

Hi! So, the first part of this chapter made me smile a lot. I just love Brian's sarcasm and humor. But what a shock for Brian and a realization for me... So, the OCD changed from violent thoughts into the fear to have been infected and therefore fearing to infect Brian... And it started in San Francisco and was triggered through the talk with Daphne. Poor Justin.

What's so crazy about it is, the way Brian describes their last six months, it sounds as if they were really good, really happy. To imagine that Justin was still constantly concerned about being infected and he was in fear the whole time ... and Brian didn't notice. Is it often the case that people can hide their obsessions and fears so well?

By the way... "Exiting Babylon each night, my eyes would be drawn to the lamppost" - I love this sentence!

"Mikey having to sign off as Justin's supervisor gave me endless joy." - Oh, I can imagine Brian's joy, makes me also laugh!

Brian's anger, his reaction is very severely, hurtful and at some point bordering on disrespect, but actually it shows only his own insecurity and his scary fear of losing Justin. I love the way you turn this argument into a good conversation. A few years earlier, either Brian would have run away, doing some pain-management, or Justin would have fled. But they are both matured, each for themselves and also with each other. Amazing! And it's very good that Justin talks about everything and tells Brian what happened almost at that time. And then, oh my goodness, can it really get worse? :-) Can't Justin get some good news?

"Buy Justin something pretty." - :-) Oh, that's so cute. I'm so in love with your Brian! "I figured you would want the underdog, er, undercat." - :-) And as I wrote before, nevertheless yo let him stay totally in character. But hopefully Justin won't develop cat allergy if he doesn't already have it! :-) And thanks again for sharing this fantastic, so well written story in spite of your anxiety! It's amazing!

Hi again! What a strange chapter, there are many beautiful and happy moments, but at the same time while reading it, I sometimes felt a deep sadness and there were also some angsty moments. And I asked myself if I were in a dark mood while reading it or if this chapter evoked those feelings inside of me....

For example, the first scene at the backyard and Justin's thoughts about Brian... It seems to be so peaceful. And it's beautiful that Justin knew from the start that he was different and got these special moments with Brian, at the same time, he had to learn to be careful, how to behave, so that Brian wouldn't push him away. that's also a little bit sad I think.

Then this domestic partnership... I don't know, maybe I expected it to be a little bit more ridiculous romantic, but after giving it some thought, I came to the conclusion, that it was the perfect way to let them handle it. In fact, they don't need such a thing, but society forces them to do it to have equal rights... "I just don't want to ever feel like I can't get to you." And I love, that Brian combines this act with the suggestion to go to this exhibition and also Justin understands the meaning of this gesture - the real proof of his love - and that's what counts.

"I felt so safe beneath him like he was protecting me from the world" Like I wrote before, there are many beautiful moments in this chapter, but on the other hand Justin has this strange feeling that something bad will happen... Daphne's talking about barebacking... Justin's falling back in his worse behavior about checking the door... the nightmare about the Sap's party... the panic attack on the bridge... Was the panic attack on the bridge the bad thing that he feared would happen? And what I didn't understand: "Within an hour, I had my answer and felt better" What was he looking for? What did he find? Warmest regards!

Hi again! I really admire how you describe Justin‘s thoughts, his struggle and his dispair. I was curious and had to looked it up on wikipedia „In a study by Salman Akhtar (1975) the subjects of the obsessive thoughts of those affected were asked. The most frequently mentioned were:"... Next to others this was mentioned: „Violence and aggression (physical or verbal attack on yourself or others, accidents, mishaps, war, disasters, death)" I really didn't know that. Like Justin I thought, it would be mostly about the force to wash hands all the time or such things.

"the house Brian bought us in LA was the first place that felt like a home since I came out." - Wow, that's great and what I've hoped for Justin

It's so great to see Brian's onto Justin and sees right away that something is going on. And again, unsure of himself, he expected the worst. And I really can understand that he's hurt because of Justin's partially loss in trust in him or them, but who could blame Justin. Although he was really great after the bashing in helping and supporting Justin, there were so many moments when Brian pushed him away or expected Justin to assume things without revealing anything by himself. So, yeah, somehow he got this right "I've really fucked up" - It's so amazing to see how you let him grown up by letting him say things which Justin maybe would have needed to hear a long time ago (but I also understand that or why Brian wasn't ready to say such things at that time). "I would fucking tear the world apart for you." - Just beautiful!

I felt sorry for Brian, because with this reassuring and checking he thought, he would been helping Justin in some ways. But I'm also glad that he doesn't develop some kind of guilt about it. And I have to agree with Regina, Brian seems to be so natural at this. When Justin struggles so much later, he stays calm and finds other ways or exactly the right ways to help and support Justin! Amazing!

After the previous much too long text, now something short :-)

I think I haven‘t mentioned it so far. I really like Ted. In the show, I was a little bit surprised about his role when Brian‘s got diagnosed with cancer, but it was a good surprise. Ted‘s really a great guy and I see him as a much better choice for a best friend. So, I like stories in which Brian and Ted develop a great friendship. And I felt very happy for Justin getting accepted at Cal Arts! That‘s a step in the right direction - so, one step at a time! ;-) And Brian‘s reaction is so cute! Oh, all these goodbye-speeches are heartbreaking... and again, you managed to portray all their characters so well!How I would have love to see this beach-scene in the show. As I mentioned before, your version of how it could have been in S5 is so much better! „genuine happiness written across his face" Makes me smile!

Hi! Another amazing chapter! Again, you‘ve made me laugh and smile so much! It‘s hilarious and perfect. The way you picture Brian, what he says, what he thinks, his gestures... There are so many details and sentences I love... First, this scene with Ted and the question after role-play :-) „Wait, you know what, I don't want that visual. Don't tell me." - that‘s Brian! It reminds me so much of the scene with Brian and Justin the first morning after. You characterized him so perfectly!

The scene with Micheal isN‘t only also perfect and funny but also beautiful. I really like Michael‘s reaction, because for once he reacts as a best friend should. Of course he'll be sad, but it's good to see, that for once he's thinking first of Brian. It‘s so beautiful, that he tells him how much he is happy for him, that he loves and is loved and that he deserves it! Michael has also grown up! In the show, I didn‘t really like Michael and there were many awful scenes, in which I just didn‘t get him, so I like both kind of fanfic, anti-Michael but also stories, where he develops and acts like a real good friend.

The reaction of Lindsay was more like I expected it to be. I never quite knew what to think of Lindsay - like Michael. I‘ve often felt that she supports the relationship of Justin and Brian and wishes for Brian to be happy. On the other hand, there were those moments, that annoying Peter, which more likely meant that she didn‘t want Brian to leave Neverland. And then there was Season 5.... so, no, I don‘t like her very much. I don‘t know how to say it in english, to me she always seemed to be not real.. kind of sneaky... „I hear they take owner surrenders at the pound. Unless you want him? He is housebroken." :-) your vision of Brian is fantastic! And then this „You move him" - Sometimes she really talkes about Justin more as a dog then a human being with an own mind... Good that Mel intervenes at the right moment!

And this conversation between Brian and Justin is so hilarious and soooo cute. How do you do this? They are sooo beautiful together! I could read this over and over!

Just read your comment on my last review.... you mentioned S5... That's funny ... I wrote this a few hours ago...

Justin‘s reaction to Brian‘s question is so cute! And then their whole exchange the next morning. "Hey, I thought we said no phone numbers." - You let them be so beautiful, so cute together. I love them so much and that's exactly how I see them. And this "Sun-Justin". I know, since Ana's comment, he thinks, it puts too much pressure on Justin, but hey, Justin could be pouting the whole day or doing whatever, he is Brian's sunshine, his light - I don't know how to explain it... But I think it's cute that Brian tries to refrain. "And god, I would do..." This is so beautiful! And I can understand Brian's idea about LA - he always wanted to leave the Pitts and yeah, you described Justin as really happy there doing maybe for the first time something that makes him feel really useful, fulfilled, missing really only one thing, and that was Brian. And I think, okay, the family means well, but it would be also a chance for them and whatever "this" is between them to grow and develop without these constant interferences, which often led to rather negative results. But I like that they really think this through.

And then the scene with Molly is so heartbreaking, but I love how Brian handles it, comforting not only Justin but also Molly. And I never thought I would say that about tricking, (but as I wrote before, you let it seem so natural), it's so cute... "Can we have phone sex while a trick is giving me head?" I don't know what's going to happen, but at this point, your version of how it could have gone after LA is much more better than what they did with and out of them in S5. Again, thanks for this amazing story!

Again, there are so many beautiful, cute and hilarious moments in this chapter!

I love this scene in the kitchen, cooking, swaying and humming together - so cute! But even after Brian‘s declaration of love (because that‘s what it was!) in the last chapter, Justin‘s still seems so be so insecure about his feelings. „caring moments demanded a certain non-reaction" - sad but true like so often in the show for example the whole zucchini-man-disaster. Those were the kind of tricking-scenes which I really hated to see in the Show, done just because of Brian‘s own insecurities and to put Justin in his place... Therefore, I really like the way you let them handle the tricking so far. They way you write it, it just seems natural, there is nothing hurtful about it and as long as both are content with it, why not... although, I must admit I like stories in which Brian not suddenly stop to trick but reduces it slowly until he realises he just don‘t need this kind of excitement or self-affirmation any longer... But I can totally understand that Justin is annoyed by these compassionate looks and lack of understanding of the others.

Oh, and then this hilarious scene with tori and the female version of Brian! Amazing! I really like your idea of them becoming friends together to people outside the normal circle.

Oh man, and as if Justin hasn't already enough to deal with, he has to listen to the shit Ben says, who thinks he knows about Justin and the reasons for the depression. I'm just glad, Justin made his point. Great chapter!

My Goodness, so heartbreaking... it so very well written... one can feel Justin‘s pain, his dispair, his fear. Thanks god for Tori being there and her wisdom. At least she manages to calm Justin, giving him a little hope and first of all showing him the situation as it is. Sometimes we need something like that so as not to sink deeper into despair.

You have captured all the feelings so wonderful again. Amazing! Justin's desperation, but also Brian's. The fact that Brian calls Daphne right away shows only how much he loves Justin, that even at this moment of his own deep despair (he thinks he has to let Justin go because he isn‘t good for Justin), he thinks first of Justin and what he needs. Fortunately, Brian has given Daphne the reason why he couldn‘t stay with Justin. Even if Justin can‘t believe it at the moment, it's good he hears from Daphne that Brian didn‘t sound upset or angry but desperate and sad.

And thanks for this end of the chapter, thanks for not letting them suffering too long. It‘s so beautiful and cute, Justin lying in bed, wrapped in Brian‘s CMU hoddie, and Brian wearing an old paint-splattered t-shirts from Justin! Aewsome!

Oh my goodness, altough I‘ve seen the Show over and over again, it‘s hard to read a summary of all the things Justin experienced, lived through and endured in the last five years - and that at an age of 17! I like that you also point out the factor that since getting kicked out from home he hasn‘t had his own home. Sure, the loft feels like home, but let‘s be honest, in the end it's Brian's, and Brian can decide if Justin stays or if he has to leave. He has no place to call his own where he can really feel safe and secure... that‘s why I love stories in which they‘re looking together for a new home or extend the loft to the floor below... Brian with red and puffy eyes - I also feel sorry for him, his concern for Justin must nearly kill him....

So, Justin‘s back. You have described his mood perfectly well and it‘s similar as in the show (at least at the beginning). This scene in the Diner where he pretends to be so content, to be back. And later, when he admits only to Brian, how great everything was there. When Brian asks him, why he should have even come back, and Justin says "Can‘t imagine", I got a little bit depressed myself, and felt very sorry for Brian. I also had the feeling that Justin had changed after his return, he was more serious, thoughtful, seemed partially to be lost. Therefore, your story really makes sense that these feelings and his previous experiences leads to a serious depression.

There are so many awesome aspects and little amazing details in your story, but I can‘t name all of them - the review would simply be too long. You have portrayed his feelings and his struggle so well especially those fears that something terrible might happen to other persons, and the guilt that it‘s happening now because you thought so. Fortunately, Brian has also recognized the changes and is looking for a conversation.

„I don't know if I had ever heard Brian speak in a paragraph before." :-)

I love the way you let them talk. Is good to see a Brian who confesses also his own fears. And I really love how you let Brian be so sensitive and attentive. Great chapter!